


Forever and ?

by MadamPuddifoot9



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Immortality, M/M, Magnus/Alec - Freeform, Malec, Shadowhunters - Freeform, heart to heart, immortal! alec, moving in, the mortal instruments - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 13:09:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14309358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadamPuddifoot9/pseuds/MadamPuddifoot9
Summary: “Bad Idea?”Alec asks Magnus to move in.Magnus says No.But not because he doesn’t want too.Cue heart to heart.





	Forever and ?

The worst part was that Alec was so understanding.  
Magnus closed his eyes. He’d been tortured for three days. Three days since that conversation.

“Bad idea?” Alec’s face flickered between hope and embarrassment.

Magnus had falterer. “Oh.”

Alec quickly recovered himself and had gripped his shoulders. “Magnus, breathe.” He chuckled “it’s alright, I’m being too forward. It’s a bad idea.”

Magnus remembered shaking his head “No. I mean it’s not a bad idea, Alexander, of course it isn’t. It’s... it’s just...”

“Stop.” Alec had smiled. “Honestly, please forget I suggested it. It’s all moving too fast, I understand. I just... You, this loft... I feels like... sorry. I dropped this on you. Let’s forget it.”

“Alec-“

“Forget it. Let’s just enjoy this evening, okay?”

He had leaned in and kissed Alec then, gripping his face in his hands and trying to apologise through his lips. He hoped Alec understood, that the kiss said “it’s not that I don’t love you...” he hoped it said “don’t be upset. I’m sorry.”

That was three days ago. Alec hadn’t slept over last night. He hated sleeping alone, he hated waking up without those beautiful hazel eyes and strong arms holding him.

 

The door knocked and brought him out of his brooding. 

“Alexander!” He beamed when he saw his beautiful boyfriend.

“Hey. Alec smiled as he walked in “have you eaten? I brought food.” 

Alec kissed him hello then and held up a brown paper bag.

“Perfect timing.” Magnus smiled “I’m starving.”

“Good.” Alec replied “how’s your day been?”

Magnus began recounting his day as he gathered cutlery for them. Alec listened intently as he unpacked the food.   
“Drink?” He asked Alec waving an empty wine glass.

“I’d love to but I’m on duty tonight.”

Magnus’ face fell. “Oh.” He said and he tried to sound nonchalant “You’re on patrol? Do you not have people to do that now you’re the head?”

“Of course I do.” Alec said opening a carton of egg rolls “but I’m not gonna make people do a job I’m not willing to do anymore. It doesn’t seem fair.”

Magnus inclined his head. Alec was too good for this world. “You’re a good leader.”

Alec smiled but didn’t reply.  
Magnus sat down opposite him and they both tucked into the food, talking casually as the usually did until Alec had to go.

“I missed you last night, and tonight.” Magnus admitted. He took Alec’s hand as he stood in front of the door. 

“How can you miss me tonight? I’m right here?” Alec said squeezing his hand gently.

Magnus twisted his ear cuff with his free hand. “I like falling asleep beside you.” Magnus looked anywhere but into Alec’s face.

“I do to.” Alec said gently as he tried to catch Magnus’ eye. “Hey, are you okay? Talk to me...”

“I’m fine, I don’t want to make you late...”

“I’m the head, no one is gonna care if I’m late but me and I don’t care, right now I only care if you’re okay.”

Magnus sighed. “It’s about the other night; you know when-“

“-when I sprang the moving in card on you?” Alec guessed “Magnus...”

“Don’t apologise again. Please.” Magnus begged “it’s just that you haven’t stayed over since that night and I just wondered why?”

“Oh.” Alec nodded “Okay, I guess I just wanted to give you some space. I realise that I’ve kind of invaded your life these past couple of months, it’s all very new for me I, I just... I guess I didn’t think that it’s not the same for you. I just got carried away.”

Magnus shuddered. This was exactly what he feared. “Alexander, please don’t misinterpret my decision. I don’t want space, I love you so much, I want to be with you all the time... I just...”

“I’m confused.” Alec said lightly, he looked puzzled “you want to be with me all the time so living together ...?”

“Being immortal, being who I am...” Magnus faltered. The immortality conversion, he knew it was going to rear it’s head eventually. “I’m afraid of losing you; you’re in your first relationship and I’m a lot to handle and I guess that maybe you’d get tired of me once you saw all of me.”

Alec smiled “are you crazy? You think I’d be able to tire of you?”

“Yes. Of course, living with someone completely changes everything and not always for the better. I love you so much and I couldn’t bare it if it all went wrong plus I love living here, I love this loft, I’m not ready to give it up.”

“Okay, firstly, I love you too. Secondly... why would you need to leave this loft? It’s your home... would you think I’d want to move?” Alec asked

“I’m not explaining this right. Bare with me.” He walked back and forwards as he gathered himself. He pressed his ringed hand to his mouth.

“I’ve lived with someone before. Someone I loved.” He admitted.

“Camille?” Alec guessed

“No.” Magnus shook his head “No. His name was George and he was human.”

“I didn’t know.” Alec said “what happened?”

“It was back in England. George was in the military, we lived in a beautiful cottage by the sea. My favourite home for a century and I asked him to live with me and he agreed. We had a wonderful life, happy, that was until George was deployed to fight in the Anglo-Spanish war. Eventually his letters stopped and I found he was killed.”

Alec swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

Magnus half shrugged “everything and everyone dies. Except an immortal. It wasn’t the first time I’d lost a lover but this was different. Our home stayed the same. The very walls seemed to breathe George’s energy and it almost drove me mad, like he was still there but I just couldn’t see him. I couldn’t live there anymore, in the end I burned it to the ground. I couldn’t spend another moment there in that reminder.”

Alec looked shaken. He seemed to be struggling with his thoughts. “Magnus, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, I’d never have suggested this, I got carried away and now I’ve brought up this pain and-“

“How could you know?” Magnus cut in gently. “It’s not your fault Alexander.”

“I know you love this building too, I’d never want to ruin that for you.” Alec added.

“It’s not the building, not really. It’s just this loft is so special to me because...it’s you!” Magnus said with emotion and Alec cocked his head unsure.

“It’s right here... you came and you gave me your energy to save Lucian. And right here...” he moved across the floor “it’s where you kissed me for the second time.”

Alec’s eyes shone with unshed tears.

“The balcony- where we’ve shared so many quiet moments and our bedroom, our bedroom where you gave your whole self to me. All of you. That’s not something I take lightly, Alexander, being your first... everything-has been an honour and already this loft is filled with the best moments of my life. You are everything to me and it’s all happened so quickly and already I know I love you more than I’ve loved anyone ever. I’m scared that if we move too quickly and it goes wrong. If you leave me and I’m too much to live with that this place that is so special to me will be gone too; and even worse, God, even worse than that is how will I cope if it’s perfect?if we stay perfect and when you...” Magnus can’t even say the word “Die”, he swallows “when it’s your time to depart to the heavens, how can I stay here? I know I could never destroy this place with the memories of you. I think it will drive me mad.” Two fat tears dropped down his cheeks as he rambled his way into silence.

Alec looked like he was on the verge of a breakdown too.  
“Thank you.” He sniffed “for saying those things about me; you have no idea, well maybe you do, how much they mean to me. It’s a privilege to be loved by you Magnus Bane.”

Alec stopped for a few seconds “I never really took your history into consideration and I apologise for that. I completely understand now how you feel; but there’s just one thing. How do we ever move on? I know you’re scared and I would be too, but you can’t stop living your life because you’re afraid of losing me. Death is kind of a given with a Shadowhunter and it’s something we’re taught to accept at a young age, but if I turn the tables and even imagine that you... no, I get it. It’s unbearable. I just don’t know how we get past this.”

Magnus went to him then and wrapped his arms around Alec. Alec gripped him too.

“Do we just forget this conversation too and deal with it when the time comes? We carry on living where we do, keep it the same and just let fate deal it’s cards?” Alec asks his head over his shoulder.

“I don’t know, Alexander.” Magnus admitted “I just know that I love you and I want to spent the rest of your life making you happy. I want to live with you, I want it so much but I don’t know how to fix my fears.”

Alec held him tighter for a moment “Magnus what I wanted to spend the rest of your life making you happy?”

Magnus sniffed and then froze “what do you mean?”

“What if I wanted to love you forever?” Alec asked and he pulled back to look at Magnus and his eyes were serious and full of love and determination. “Is that possible? Is there a way?”

“You can’t mean that?” Magnus whispered, he daren’t let himself believe it.

Alec nodded and Magnus gasped. Alec wanted to be immortal.


End file.
